Category Archives: Cleveland Browns

Jason Campbell to the Rescue? Really?

And so the hope of the Brian Hoyer era fades into oblivion. BWeed is straight terrible. To whit:

— 149 yards

— 42 pass attempts

— 3.5 yards per attempt

3.5! We can’t blame this one on current management–they hate him too. He was drafted by Heckert et al., who had been surprisingly strong in the draft up until their last one, when they gave us the TRich-BWeed debacle.

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Is that a junebug?

Not to say that I’m bitter, but I’m really starting to hate the Colts. They get their decade-plus of Manning, he gets hurt at just the right moment for them to tank worse than the Browns, and then they fall ass-over-tea-kettle into Andrew Luck, who is a beast. Dammit. Much as Bernie Kosar is still beloved in Cleveland, and even though Brian Sipe won an MVP, Cleveland hasn’t seen a good quarterback, an elite quarterback, since Otto Graham hung ’em up in 1955. The Colts get two just like that. Packers, too.

Alas, 3-13 is probably not bad enough this year for a draft jackpot. Again. Way to go, Hoyer.

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Mmmm … Delicious Hat!

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Boy, Giambi went from ‘roid poster boy to beloved elder statesman and future manager quick, didn’t he?

No team has won 10 straight games to finish a season since 1971. Tribe just did it to lock in home for the wildcard game (and finish just a game back of the Tigers). Needed every one. Win or lose Wednesday, this was a cool season and I like this team. They have the bonhomie of those “idiot” Red Sox teams, without the pervasive douchiness. Hard-working flavor for a hard-working town. Go Tribe! You’ve already come up big. Now go get a little more gravy.

Last week, while the Browns were looking rather sharp in the first game of the Brian Hoyer tank-a-thon (so it seemed at the time), atlswami texted me: “I’m enjoying your karmic comeuppance for bailing on your team,” referring to my spite-add of the opposing defense in fantasy. Dood–all part of the plan. Some national writers talking about them being legit good.

And Hoyer. The mayor.  Look, I grew up playing Browns QB in the backyard too, counting down before lofting a dead duck in the air and running over to catch it myself, and the spinning the ball on the ground while I did the cabbage patch. In fact, my cousins lived in North Olmsted, where Hoyer grew up, and we did this little act in their yard too. So he’s going to win a lot of hearts. Let’s hope he learned a lot from Tom Brady and see how this goes.

How many games do the Browns have to win before I actually have to eat my hat? Can I wash it first?

This is back when it was new. It's not new any more.

This is back when it was new. It’s not new any more.


Laughing Stock or Last Laugh?

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According to sources, Chud thinks running backs are like tires on a car. Is the vehicle really going to run that much better with a shiny new one than it is with an old bald one? I don’t know. I don’t have a car.

Right now, my vote is for laughing stock, but that’s purely a matter of context, coming after 15 years of mismanagement and failure. I’m looking at you, Holmgren. You were just the latest, but you gave us Shurmur, so no one cares what you think.

Under other circumstances (i.e., anyone with a track record for good decision-making), this reaction would almost definitely have gone the other way. As a football decision, I’m ill-qualified to judge whether TRich was valuable, especially since I rarely get to see the Browns play. But many analysts seem to think this was a bold, courageous, and wise decision on the part of—what are their names again? Does it matter? Here, here, and here. I get their reasoning and why this could be good for the Browns. It’s going to be a couple of years before we know if TRich was middling all along, or injury prone, or will become another name on the list of unique and innovative ways (trading your schedule cover boy two games into a season? I mean, who does that?) that Cleveland franchises shoot themselves in the foot. But it is those few years that are the problem.

As an emotional decision, as a reminder that a new band of serious-looking old guys is asking for yet more patience out of a fan base—the whole thing feels like another punch in the stomach. Those are years that Browns fans will never get back. Just like the last 15. It was a year ago that I wrote this. I think the defense might be better, but the needle doesn’t seem to have moved much. What this management is missing is any ability to inspire confidence in their decisions and pleas for patience. And they know it. We fans can talk ourselves into anything, and while they make it hard for us to keep doing that, they still might get the last word and we’ll eat crow when they deliver us a winner in a couple of years. Right? I mean, right?

Desperation aside, the towel has once again been cast. We give up. Another draft will come, we’ll get a shot of hope for some reason and we’ll be right back where we started. And so we look once again for the comedy in deep spiritual resignation and remind ourselves it’s just a dumb game. We hope the Indians make the playoffs and enjoy watching the Steelers suck (for a little while). Small pleasures.

The text from atlswami about the trade was just minutes old when I logged on to our fantasy football league and dumped San Diego’s defense for Minnesota’s (vs. Cleveland). It’s a good play, man. I figure this kind of declaration of despair would knock the wind out of the whole team. Disloyal? Maybe. In three years of doing this, I’ve always had a Brown and no Ravens on my rosters. No, I prefer to see it as a different form of loyalty—mild, meaningless protest. At least that’s what I tell myself.

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This gentleman’s name is Teddy Bridgewater and my understanding is that he is very good at athletic-type things. No one has yet coined a rhyming phrase for blowing your season for him or Clowney (ala, Suck for Luck, Riggin’ for Wiggins, etc.). Is he already looking for houses in Cleveland and Jacksonville?


The Dawn of a New Era. For Reals. We Closing the Loop.

Huzzah! The 2012 Brownies duck the ignominy of a franchise-record losing streak, a possible winless season, and maybe drafting quarterbacks in the first round two years in a row. Basking in the glow of competence, y’all!

It’s interesting, people seemed to feel very confident overall the Browns were going to win this game, despite the Bengals generally being the better team. On Cleveland.com, something like 57% of people thought they were going to win. Several other sources picked them as well. Hm. Wishful thinking? Perhaps it was a sign–the team had managed to be competitive, sometimes with strong defense and other times with an offense that appeared to working. Maybe new narrative in play–one of the youngest teams in the league comes together, just at the moment that the aging juggernauts of the division begin their inexorable declines. And this win was the first moment of the decade in which the AFC North and several Super Bowls finally belong to Cleveland? I saw the movie Looper over the weekend (it’s quite good, though hard for the father of a young son to watch at times), and by the rubric of the movie, this vision of the future is one possible vision, made fuzzy by constantly shifting probabilities. Writing this very very narrowly-read blog post has shifted the future just a little (actually, prolly not). Maybe Weeden stumbles across it while Googling his name. Maybe he’s inspired to not stare down his receivers so much. Things are becoming clearer now: 3-13?

“Oh my goodness, it was like a big weight off everybody’s shoulders,” said Joe Haden, who returned from his four-game suspension for taking meth (okay, it was Adderall–still meth, more or less). “It felt like we won the Super Bowl, honestly. Everybody’s excited.”

Oof. That quote brought a little smile to my face until I realized how sad that must sound to teams and fans that have actually won titles or gone to the playoffs regularly in the last decade or so. I like Haden a lot, but it’s like a little kid putting on a suit that’s way too big for him and marching around the room handing out business cards. It’s just a little too adorable. Charles Woodson wants to pat him on the head.

I like this one a little better: “It says they never give up,” said Cribbs (of the Cleveland fans). “We were 0-5 and they’re still packing the house. That’s why this is Believeland and we’re right there with them.”


Dez Bryant to Cleveland, At Best

A Seahawks victory can spell only one thing for opponents’ fans: shame.  Here, Dallas Cowboys superfan John Shango, dismayed by a 27-7 loss to Seattle on Sunday, drags the Browns and Dez Bryant through the mud (01:31).

 


Hey, look! A highlight!

Is this what those guys on Sportscenter are always yammering about?

The following play, not so much.


Brendan Wheaton?

Jeez. He couldn’t even get half the name right. In Cleveland.

VP Candidate Paul Ryan Praised The “Storied” Cleveland Browns And Quarterback “Brendan Wheaton”

He’s no Condi. He’s no Condi at all.